So here it is folks I’m 37 today. Not a stella b’day and by all accounts one of the quiet ones for me. I’m spending it with the family, which involves looking after small child and a flu ridden Rachel, tidying up the house to look for a misplaced baby monitor, with the Black Horse County troop coming round this afternoon for the lastest ‘episode’ of our Battlestar Gallatica game (which rocks on toast!).
I’ve been slightly up and down of late and I came to the conclusion early on that I’m going through my own personal apocalyse (in the occult sense of my own world is changing dramatically). This has brought on the Fear big time. Worries over health, my job and even my core friendships and relationships. The most fearful moments was when I started thinking I was going to lose my marriage and my life due to a heart attack!! Both were more or less all in my head, as a quick heart to heart with Rach on the former confirmed, but might manifest in the long term if I don’t sort myself out now.
I kinda realised that some sort of sort was in order but being in the thick of it couldn’t see the wood for the trees.
Until this morning when Amazon.co.uk sent me an ad for a version of Journey to the West, that I haven’t got.
"China’s most popular traditional novel, "Journey to the West" is the thrilling story of the Monkey King and his epic quest, with his trusted companions, to redeem himself. They face fantastic foes, demons and monsters during their amazing adventures traveling to the Western paradise. No matter what obstacle was put before him, the clever, wily Monkey King always got what he wanted – unimaginable strength, eternal life, even his own position in the Celestial Realm with the gods. More than anything else, though, the Monkey King loved mischief and rule-breaking, and was sure he was the most powerful creature in the world. But after defeat and punishment for his tricks, the Monkey King found himself wanting some things he never expected: to be disciplined and good enough to help the monk Hsuan Zhang on his mission to bring Buddhist Scriptures – and enlightenment – to China."
It struck me my life has paralells with Monkey, when he is just about to be kicked out of heaven. I’ve pretty much got all I want materially and can with a bit of imagination and work get things outside of my current reach. Most of my current ‘problems’ are caused by having an abundance (my weight and having a house stuffed with things are the two most obvious things). What I need to do quite badly is grow up in a ‘spiritual’ sense of the word, else I’m forever going to be burdened and hindered by arrogance, greed and most destressingly Anger. I say ‘Anger’ with a big A, to distiguish the big emotionally draining fits of agression I have which are completly pointless from the more every day irritations that I can easily process and are useful to have to see what is wrong.
Its with this great revelation, and birthday present I move foward into a new Era of Newtness. I have a few resolutions coming out of this, but I’m not going to blog about them. Some of them might be obvious next time you meet me in the flesh. Some might be more subtle. Either way I’m making a consious effort to do what my subconsious has known all along from now on.