This is a real ebay item listing, probably the funniest thing I’ve come across in a while
You are bidding on a mistake.
We all make mistakes. We date the wrong people for too long. We chew
gum with our mouths open. We say inappropriate things in front of
And we buy leather pants.
I can explain these pants and why they are in my possession. I
bought them many, many years ago under the spell of a woman whom I
believed to have taste. She suggested I try them on. I did. She said
they looked good. I wanted to have a relationship of sorts with her.
I’m stupid and prone to impulsive decisions. I bought the pants.
The relationship, probably for better, never materialized. The girl,
whose name I can’t even recall, is a distant memory. I think she was
Ultimately the pants were placed in the closet where they have
remained, unworn, for nearly a decade. I would like to emphasize that:
Aside from trying these pants on, they have never, ever been worn. In
public or private.
I have not worn these leather pants for the following reasons:
I am not a member of Queen.
I do not like motorcycles.
I am not Rod Stewart.
I am not French.
I do not cruise for transvestites in an expensive sports car.
These were not cheap leather pants. They are Donna Karan leather
pants. They’re for men. Brave men, I would think. Perhaps tattooed,
pierced men. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say you either have to be
very tough, very gay, or very famous to wear these pants and get away
Again, they’re men’s pants, but they’d probably look great on the
right lady. Ladies can get away with leather pants much more often than
men can. It’s a sad fact that men who own leather pants will have to
come to terms with.
They are size 34×34. I am no longer size 34×34, so even were I to
suddenly decide I was a famous gay biker I would not be able to wear
these pants. These pants are destined for someone else. For reasons
unknown – perhaps to keep my options open, in case I wanted to become a
pirate – I have shuffled these unworn pants from house to house, closet
to closet. Alas, it is now time to part ways so that I may use the
extra room for any rhinestone-studded jeans I may purchase in the
These pants are in excellent condition. They were never taken on
pirate expeditions. They weren’t worn onstage. They didn’t straddle a
Harley, or a guy named Harley. They just hung there, sad and ignored,
for a few presidencies.
Someone, somewhere, will look great in these pants. I’m hoping that
someone is you, or that you can be suckered into buying them by a girl
you’re trying to bed.
Please buy these leather pants.